shortcuts into heaven...

want to live out eternity on the beaches of paradise? hobnob with james dean, mother teresa and walter matthau? sounds pretty perfect, right? except for all the faith, piety and years of “good works” required to get in. if only there was a secret stairway into heaven…lo and behold, now there is! 

if you want to make the world an instantly better place all you have to do is add the following below into your everyday vernacular:

cousinette [kuhz-uh-net]
– noun
a cousin of the female variety

sick of hearing people talk about their “cousins” but not knowing whether they are referring to male cousins or female cousins? endure this travesty no longer. It’s time we rip a page out a page from the romance-language playbook. the spanish differentiate between male cousins (primos) and female cousins (primas) as do the ever-hip French with cousin (male) and cousine (female). even in english we have different words for nieces and nephews. cousinette is an idea whose time has come. therefore, i urge you, with all my heart, all my soul and all my functional organs: let’s make this happen, let’s get cousinette into our thoughts, conversations and family trees. 

EXAMPLE OF PROPER COUSINETTE USAGE:

1. i have two cousins named josh and jimmy and one cousinette named kelly.
2. my dad’s brother’s daughter? oh, you mean my cousinette.
3. i couldn’t find a date for prom, so i invited my cousinette.
4. i couldn’t find a date for prom, so i invited my cousinette, but she said that was disgusting so i’m going with this prostitute i met on the world wide web. she loves the mets!

PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE GOSPEL. HEAVEN IS ONLY INCHES AWAY…

editor’s note: in addition to being an awesome new slang english word, cousinette also refers to a vegetable-based french soup. For those who want to take this whole cousinette thing to the next level and throw cousinette parties and whatnot, here is a recipe to make it the perfect occasion.

Ingredients:
100g/4oz Fresh Sorrel, washed, de-stalked finely shredded
1 Lettuce, washed and shredded
100g/4oz Fresh Spinach, washed, de-stalked finely shredded
1 large bunch Flat Leaved Parsley
120ml/4 fl.oz. Crème Frâiche
1L/35fl.oz. Water
Plenty of Salt and White Pepper
Rye Bread to serve

Preparation:
1. Wash the parsley well then tie into a bunch with string. Cut of the top leafy parts and chop roughly, reserving the bunch of stalks still tied together.
2. Place the water, parsley stalks, salt and pepper in a large saucepan, bring to the boil then add the remaining ingredients. Mix well, reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes.
3. Remove the parsley stalks, check the seasoning then stir in the crème fraiche.
4. To serve - place a piece of rye bread into 4 individual serving bowls then pour the soup over the top. Serve immediately.
(this word was co-created with the hilarious and highly rational Dave Kushner. like the theoretical prostitute prom date, he too loves the mets).