Friday, May 29, 2009

top 25 fridays: the best breakfast cereals

where every friday we will delve, dissect and rank very important things.

today's top 25: kickass breakfast cereals.
(criteria includes taste, aftertaste, pre-taste and mascot)

1. cap'n crunch (fresh or soggy; who cares? it's deliciously versatile. and supposedly the only cereal served in heaven)
2. cinammon toast crunch (an army of miniature french toast slices in the trenches of my bowl? sign me up)
3. lucky charms (of course we're always after his lucky charms. those fantastic marshmellows gladly stick to our tongues)
4. corn pops (the best of the vegetable-derived cereals)
5. count chocula (a haunted house of dessert for breakfast)
6. kix (kid tested? wait, so the kids are, like, guinea pigging this thing. awesome)
7. frosted flakes (an all-american classic. the "girl next door" of cereals)
8. fruity pebbles (can't be eaten, only inhaled. it's like eating fruit-flavored oxygen sprinkled with sugar)
9. froot loops (because toucan sam makes me irrationally want to own an exotic bird)
10. honey nut cheerios (a homosexual bumble bee is an odd choice for mascot of such a subtle blend of salty, sweet and savory)
11. super golden crisp (the quickest way to a sugar high. notably knocked many recovered sugaraholics off their wagons)
12. trix (severe demerits for bunny bashing)
13. raisin bran (the only thing in the world that is actually healthy and also tastes good. oh, and bananas.)
14. frosted mini-wheats (outstanding texture. it's like eating an armadillo covered in powdered sugar)
15. apple jacks (too much jacks, too little apple)
16. life (fun fact: the dude who palyed "Mikey," John Gilchrist, is still alive and works as an advertising account manager in New York)
17. rice krispies (only deserves to be ranked when having at least three spoonfuls of sugar)
18. alpha-bits (the most educational of the cavity-causing foods)
19. teenage mutant ninja turtles (an extinct, but amazing promotional cereal from the wild early 90s)
20. oreo o's (death by chocolate...hey, not a bad way to go)
21. cocoa pebbles (a slower death by chocolate...)
22. rice chex (a great once-a-month go-to cereal)
23. cheerios (the matt dillon to honey nut cheerios' kevin)
24. wheaties (the breakfast of champions? really? not ranked at 24.)
25. honey smacks (solid cereal; creepy frog mascot)

honorable mentions: bill & ted's excellent cereal, boo berry, corn flakes, crispix, flutie flakes, golden grahams, teddy grahams breakfast bears graham cereal
reluctant honorable mention: Frankenberry (courtesy of @katieguhl)

(note: none of these cereals contain nuts due to my immense nut allergy)
(other note: except "honey nut cheerios" because it's so good sometimes i "chance" it).


  1. Good thing you cap'n crunch #1 - I know he seems nice in the commercials, but man is that guy an asshole.

    Great post! :)

  2. No golden grahams? Honorable mention only? Weak. So, so weak.

    Otherwise, great list.

  3. Cheerios needs to be #1!! Ask any baby.

    "the girl next door" of cereals really made me laugh. :)

  4. golden grahams should be top 5. frosted flakes are also underrated. they have tony the tiger. how can you beat that?

  5. 1.Peanut Butter flavored Puffins (all of the goodness of Capt. Crunch's P-Nut Crunch but with no gum-cutting edges!)
    2. Count Chocula- He's a vampire that digs chocolate. I think we can all understand that.
    3. Cookie Crisp- Its a cereal that is basically made up of tiny chocolate chip cookies.
    4. Golden Grahams- The deliciousness of the milk afterwards alone earns GGs their spot on this list.
    5.Frosted Mini Wheats (original)- Nature's Broom in a sweet frosted form.
    6. Apple Jacks- Again the milk after a bowl of Apple Jacks was a sugar rush worthy of mention.
    7. Cocoa Krispies/ Cocoa Pebbles- CK had the better cocoa flavor, CP has the better mascot.
    8. Fruity Pebbles- Its a Peter Max trip out in a bowl
    9.Post Toasties- Imagine as you eat these humble wheat flakes how the pioneers before you enjoyed them as well.
    10.Quisp- The sheer weirdness of the texture, the odd vanilla-esque flavor, the goofy dude on the UFO on the box. Classic, total Classic.

    Honorable Mention-Total in all its permutations as it great for a person like me who is too f-ing lazy to take vitamins.

  6. Glad to see Lucky Charms up there but to echo many Golden Grahams?! It times like these I think what is this world coming to?

  7. No love for honey bunches of oats?

  8. ok, rice krispies made the list, but only with loads of sugar. so, what about rice krispie treats cereal?! doesn't anyone remember that one? sooo good and sooo sugary