Friday, June 12, 2009

top 25 fridays: best sly stallone movies

where every friday we will delve, dissect and rank very important things.

today's top 25: best sylvester stallone movies

(criteria includes depth of character, depth of character name, plausability of story-arc, asskicking and slow-motion action scenes)

1. demolotion man (taco bell is the only restaurant left after "the chain wars!" sex without touching!! commercial jingles have replaced radio!!! and bonus points for referring to the Schwarzenneger presidency)
2. rocky (the prequel to rocky II)
3. rocky IV (best training montage ever)
4. first blood (top action flick about a mentally unstable vietnam war vet with an awesome name)
5. cliffhanger (eat your heart out, passenger 57 and under siege)
6. tango & cash (an invincible buddy flick. great use of ampersand in title)
7. victory (stallone nixed the idea of using a professional player as a double for the game sequences. because of this, he seperated his shoulder and broke a finger).
8. stop or my mom will shoot (stallone's foray into family comedy)
9. nighthawks ("wulfgar, an international terrorist holds the city of new york hostage, but Deke DaSilva, the most dangerous cop known to man, can take him down." Sly proves to be only actor with chops to pull of name "Deke")
10. rocky II (apollo creed finally bites the dust)
11. over the top (underdog movie + arm wrestling + over the top acting + over the top title = classic)
12. rocky III (the forgotten middle child of rocky movies)
13. cobra ("crime is a disease. meet the cure." voted most likely to have a sequel but did not)
14. rambo (in the reboot, sly proves he's like a fine wine: better with age, and sounds kinda drunk)
15. rambo II/III (blurred into one long, forecefully badass, cool, gorey action film)
16. daylight (there's nobody i'd rather be trapped in a tunnel underground with than my main man)
17. F.I.S.T. (johnny kovak is a great stallone movie name. and F.I.S.T. is a great acronym)
18. assasins (stallone v. banderas. the roe v. wade of assasin movies)
19. oscar (when sylvester does comedy we laugh. or else...)
20. copland (amazing cast that goes nowhere. like the yankees with a-rod)
21. judge dredd (sick of being typecast as a cop, sly plays a futuristic cop)
22. paradise alley (apparently, directing was such a new job to Stallone on this project that several times, cast and crew were in position, ready to do their jobs but they could not. they could not because Stallone would forget to yell, "Action."
23. rocky balboa (good beginning, okay middle, terrible ending, godawful post-movie conversation)
24. driven/the specialist/get carter (the same barely watchable movie)
25. rocky V (garbage. but even garbage can be redeemed with a sweet roman numeral)
worst movie ever: antz

dare you disagree? comment below and give us your best...


  1. "Ampersand" and "forday" in one post. You do Rock. Whereas the 'sex without touching' the biggest achievement in a Stallone flick, really does he ever have sex in his movies? Trying to recall a love scene with more than his slobbery kisses...

    I have to say "Rocky" remains my favorite - mainly because he looks absolutely amazing all sweaty and certainly he does that a lot in the movie. That and get smashed up, which I'm not sure about the appeal to me about that, we'll just not discuss it. ;)

    Too, it was before we really knew anything about him.

  2. demolition man was pretty damn good not gonna lie but you can't discount "Party at Kitty and Stud's" his brief suaray into soft-core porn...

    PS- also important to note that Taco Bell was the finest dining establishment in the world in DM.

  3. No way Rocky is second to Demolition Man. :lol:

  4. Alas! Poor, poor Yorikkk!! We have all suck/cum/bed to the whorizontal --- Why don’t you follow us Home to Heaven Above if you‘re gonna croak as I am? How long do we have to enjoy this finite existence? 77ish, measly years? Compared to the length and breadth of eternity, 77ish years is like a dropOwater in the whole, bloody, universe!! quickly evaporating into nthn… Why don’t we have a BIG-ol, roxx-our-holy-soxx, party-hardy celebrating our resurrection for many eons? I’ll be your faithfull servant, too, for however long you desire: Heaven TOTALLY kicks-ass for eternity. PS see ‘P/C, unsanitized’ and you’d feed-the-poor. Thank you proFUSEly - the wick is running out: _thewarningsecondcoming.com_