Wednesday, April 15, 2009

what rocks? (lehman brothers)

The Brothers of Lehman
(former investment bank; potential terrorist?)
why they rock: america, apparently, hates bailing out enormous, greedy, arrogant banks. so, if that's truly the national sentiment, then we ought to love lehman brothers! not as much as the mario brothers, but certainly more than the menendez brothers. after all, lehman didn't go through the whole song and dance about wanting money, getting that money, wasting that money and then asking for more money. no, lehman chose to do it classy and go chapter 11 from the getgo. and you know what, that takes balls. or at least 1.5 balls.

why else they rock:
perhaps they couldn't have their cake and eat it too, but they still have their cake. uranium cake, that is. according to a hard-nosed bloomberg story released on april 14, the princes formerly known as lehman brothers own about 500,000 pounds of yellow cake uranium. the idea was that uranium would make a particularly kickass alternatve energy source, causing their ownership of this commodity to (Warning: Pun Ahead) explode as crude oil eventually skyrocketed. this alleged skyrocketing has yet to occur.

seriously, what's the deal with their rocking:
well, the good news is that lehman's radioactive material is partly stored in canada. enjoy the fallout, you canuckle-heads! the bad news is the terrible reputation that uranium and especially urinals have given "cake" in recent years. after all, cake is a wonderful, delicious and often mesmorizing thing. I recently polled a dozen friends and 58.3 percent of them said they would request cake as a dessert with their last meal if ever wrongly or rightly accused of a murder and sentenced to death row. shouldn't cake be spared the heartache via syntax? after all, there's no such thing as a urinanal cookie.

1 comment:

  1. I would choose nachos as the dessert to my final meal.