Saturday, April 11, 2009

what rocks? (uncle o'grimacey)

Uncle O'Grimacey...

(exiled mcdonalds spokesperson)
why he rocks: because he is the eccentric irish uncle of Grimace, the bemusing mcdonald's icon. and despite living in his nephew's strangely shaped shadow, O'Grimacey manages to always find a way to take off the month of march for his annual trip to mcdonaldland. why? because that's just the kind of uncle he is.

why else he rocks:
...or is he? let's just say Uncle O'Grimacey is no stranger to ulterior motives. as luck would have it, it appears these "visits" are actually shameless self-promotion tours to try and unload "shamrock shakes," a rare, yet delicious minty and frothy beverage that is sold around St. Patrick's day [note: only in certain, lottery-lucky, geographic regions]. Grimace realizes this sad, capitalistic truth, but pretends as if his uncle is a wise, caring, devoted surrogate-parent and O'Grimacey skillfully plays his part in this mutual self-lie. consequently, this relationship may very well be the most relatable aspect of the mcdonalds universe.

seriously though, what's the deal with his rocking:
in the 1980's mcdonald's decided to streamline their characters (not unlike the russian purges orchestrated by j. stalin during the hurkey-jerky years of1936-1938). this left Uncle O'Grimacey on the outside looking in. his frosty beverages are banned at most mcdonald's locations and their creamy aftertaste has been relegated to little more than a flicker of nostalgia. whereas most mascots would have responded to this type of rejection with, perhaps, random acts of vandalism, this green behemoth has chosen a far nobler path. recent sightings have pegged in the new england area; spotted at a degrading mascout audition for a new wnba expansion team and multiple times in the bathroom of a chic gay bar with the boisterous Phillie Phanatic.

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