Jobby vs. Subways

look, the general concept of a subway is a great idea– an underground expressway of transportation. However, the general experience of riding the subway in NYC is one of the worst 15 minutes of my day. whether it’s the smoldering heat of being 15 feet below the ground, the lack of consistent trains during commuter hours, the general smell (which is a mixture of urine, booze and BO) or overpopulation of people in each car, i'm sure we can all agree that the subway is as close to hell's waiting room as you can get. so, since we're all probably equally as upset/angry/depressed/nauseated by this state of affairs, there are a few behaviors that can be curbed or amended to make these experiences a little better for all of us.

1. while waiting on the subway platform, please do not stand directly behind or next to me. there is plenty of space to the right or left. i do not hold the magic power to predict that the subway door will open up right in front of me.

2. in no way do I want to touch or rub up against you. why would you want to rub up against me?

3. if seated on a crowded train, please wait for the doors to open before you get up.

4. even though you are wearing headphones, we still hear the music coming out – just turn it down.

and while we're busy making the subway world a better place, here's a few thoughts for the geniuses behind this monstrosity:

dear MTA,
can you please let us know when the nearest train will arrive. it does us no good when someone gets on the microphone and says a downtown express train is approaching 42nd street. yes, i see it; it's right in front of me. and i know sometimes you like to mention when a train is one station away but how about a little consistency please. london has had an approximate arrival time ticker for years now. in fact, so does prague. i think even ancient rome had one of those tickers. oh, and nice try to the MTA guy at Union Square. just because you replay the same announcement over and over that doesn't count.

written by Josh "Jobby" Benedek, the editor of the "Jobby vs. The World" section where he will shed a light on everything that's wrong (and right) with the world. Josh is also the world's foremost nickname-giver. [josh is the ultimate warrior to the eastern side of the photo below]